Desire
by Scarlet has Fantasy Issues
Summary: All he wanted was for her to know why he had done the things he did when they were younger and for her to know that he cared...he didn't expect forgiveness or for her to welcome him back with open arms.


**A/N: This is the result of a random thought that came to my head one night. I had no control where it went except the fact that there wasn't any mature content in it…yet. I hope you're still interested knowing that this is a completely safe story…for now.**

**Disclaimer: I don't any of the original InuYasha characters. I only own Natasumi and her family, so please ask before you borrow them.**

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sesshomaru stared at his reflection as the makeup artist stepped back to check his work. Seeming satisfied, the man made one final touch and put the brush down.

"You look great," he said with a smile. "You look exactly like one of those Gothic vampires that all those girls are going crazy over now."

Sesshomaru nodded and left the chair, ready to get away from the man dressed in black. He pulled on his black jeans jacket with ripped off sleeves, straightening the collar. This wasn't how he normally dressed, but he felt comfortable in the foreign clothes. That was part of being a fashion model – you had to be able to pull off any and all clothes no matter the style. And he was good at pulling things off.

He didn't know exactly who had hired him for this photo shoot for Raven's Wing magazine, but that was how it was for most of his jobs. His agent wasn't too generous with the information and that was one of the reasons that Sesshomaru was considering replacing the old bat.

_I could be back home right now, _Sesshomaru thought, watching another couple of models decked out in Gothic attire pose for the camera. _I could be over at her house, trying to make up for everything I've done to her…_

The photographer was telling the models that she only wanted a few more shots and then they could go. The models started giving their best and the photographer told them to keep it coming.

She sounded almost familiar to Sesshomaru's ears and he strained to hear her say more, but she remained silent. He tried to point at similarities from the only view he had of her. Her backside unfortunately didn't offer many clues.

Her hair was the same pale blonde that he remembered his old friend's being and he could tell that it was long even if it was piled on top of her head. The way the hair sticks were put in her hair reminded him of the way his old friend used to, although this woman had more mature hair sticks than his friend's wacky designed ones. And the photographer had thicker thighs and a more womanly form than his friend had. Plus, she was taller and Sesshomaru was sure that his friend wouldn't have grown as much since her mother was so short and her father wasn't so impressive in height either.

"That's enough girls," the photographer said, letting her hand holding the camera drop. "You can go get cleaned up and leave now if you want."

The two models walked away, chattering about random nonsense that Sesshomaru didn't really care about. The photographer had turned around and now he could see her face.

"'sumi?" he whispered in shock.

She looked at him with the same warm honey colored eyes that he remembered so well. There was that half smile tugging on her full lips and those high cheekbones that had once been covered by baby fat.

"Hello Sesshomaru," she said. "You might want to sit down for a moment. I have to download these pictures so I can free up some memory for your photo shoot."

Sesshomaru didn't feel like sitting down. "You're a photographer for Raven's Wing, Natasumi?"

"I'm the head photographer and editor," Natasumi corrected him, hooking her camera up to her laptop. "Raven's Wing is my magazine, run out of a small building downtown. I only come to this place to take photos for it." She glanced up at him as the photos downloaded onto the computer. "I thought you were into fashion, but you sound surprised to know that I run a fashion magazine."

"I am into fashion, but this…" He gestured at his clothing and dark makeup. "I haven't done anything like this for awhile. I didn't even think that you were interested in this kind of thing."

Natasumi shrugged a shoulder. "People change over time. I go out looking for the out of norm fashion. Things that people don't wear everyday and have only dreamed of seeing in a magazine. My goal for this was to get the stories of everyday people out in the world, whether they are a demon, human, or…haynou."

Sesshomaru's eyes saddened as he heard her say the word. He knew that she was a haynou thanks to her mother being a human and her father being a demon and remembered teasing her because of the fact for years. She'd never be a full demon like him, but she had experiences of both humans and demons that he could never lay claim to. He didn't like the idea of how he had made her suffer because he had been so self-righteous when it came to breeding.

Natasumi glanced up at him and smirked. "You look better than I thought you would grow up to be."

"You haven't seen me in fashion magazines?" Sesshomaru asked. "Or on TV?"

Natasumi shook her head. "I don't watch much TV and I don't go hunting old friends down in fashion magazines. People would think I was obsessed about you if I did that."

Sesshomaru nodded and glanced at the photos as they appeared on the computer screen. The models appeared to have deeper emotions than he thought possible after listening to their shallow babbling before at other shoots. They pulled the deep, longing look off very well and one even looked like she didn't want to wake up from the spell a vampire had placed over her.

He breathed in slowly and his lungs filled with Natasumi's familiar scent of vanilla and strawberry. She glanced at him as she saved the pictures and unplugged her camera from the computer. He wondered if he smelled as good to her as she smelled to him.

"Go over there," she ordered, pointing over at the spot where the other models had stood. "And hold your hand out like your reaching for something that's getting away from you."

Sesshomaru did as he was told. "Now what?"

"Visualize the thing that's getting away and make it something that you have longed for but couldn't have," Natasumi ordered. "Make it someone that just got away and you want to bring them back but you're rooted in place."

Sesshomaru looked off into the distance, visualizing some love that he had just grasped, but couldn't hold onto. Natasumi took several pictures and smirked.

"That's great," Natasumi commented. "You're probably one of the only people who can make this pose work like it's supposed to. You even got the eyes that I envisioned." She frowned. "Whoever you're thinking about, doesn't know what's going on in your head right now or she would be in your arms in an instant."

She said that almost bitterly and Sesshomaru couldn't help but smirk. Natasumi didn't snap at him like he thought she would. She just told him to drop the pose and get into the next.

"Now, I want you to cross your arms and hide everything below your nose in the space that your arms create," Natasumi ordered. "Good. Now hold that pose. And give me some cold anger or lust in those pretty eyes of yours."

Sesshomaru did what he was told and found that it was easier to do the lust filled eyes in her presence. "Natasumi, I was hoping to talk to you…"

"Why? Did you finally remember that you forgot to say goodbye?" Natasumi asked, snapping photos rapidly. "Change your pose now; think dark poses and keep it coming."

Sesshomaru's body was in motion, firing off one pose after another. Natasumi was generous with compliments and directions to make the pose better. She even had him lying on his back for a few shots with her standing over him. He didn't have a problem with that pose at all.

"Okay," Natasumi said, scratching her head as she let the camera drop in her hand. "I'm out of memory on my camera…I guess we're done now."

She walked over to her computer and sat down, plugging her camera back into it. Sesshomaru knew that he had been dismissed, but he didn't feel like leaving.

"How did the rest of your high school career go?" he asked, coming to stand by her side.

"Why do you want to know about that?" Natasumi demanded, not looking up at him as she downloaded her pictures. "Sophomore year was the worst year. Junior year was a little better. Senior year sucked. I graduated. Here I am. The end."

"Natasumi, why does it sound like you didn't enjoy your last years of high school?"

"Because I didn't enjoy it. I hated school because…you weren't there." Natasumi's eyes darkened. "My only friend wasn't there to talk to me, walk me home, or hang out with me on a Saturday night because he decided he wanted to move after we had one little argument about something really stupid."

"'sumi, I –"

"And don't think I didn't try to replace you with other people. I had a lot of friendships, but none of them lasted." Natasumi glared at him. "I only had your brother to hang out with, but it wasn't the same. I know he's just like me, but I wasn't looking for someone that reminded me of myself. I wanted someone like you who made me aspire to be better and work harder in life. I wanted someone to – never mind…"

"'sumi –"

"No. Don't talk. Don't try to make everything better with words because words can't change a thing." Natasumi closed the lid to her laptop angrily. "Everything you did was in the past and there's no going back to change any of it, so you might as well shut up."

Sesshomaru reached out and touched her arm. A second later, he was struck across the face by her.

"Don't touch me! You never wanted to before. I was always little miss haynou, unworthy of a hug except when you felt generous and that was very rare because it was always about you. You had to fit in with everyone else. You had to establish dominance over the entire school. You had to have more power than everyone including the teachers. Everyone had to worship you, even your best friend. Your only _real _best friend." She pointed to herself. "I did worship you and all I got was a hard time and nights where I cried myself to sleep. But I won't do it anymore. You already have enough fans out there to satisfy your greedy, power hungry soul. I won't be added to the body count."

She put her camera in its case and zipped it up. Sesshomaru watched her pick up the case and the laptop and start walking away.

"Natasumi, I'm sorry," he said quietly. "For everything that I've done to you. For ruining your life. I'm sorry that I made you suffer all through middle school and the beginning of high school."

Natasumi had stopped walking, but she wouldn't turn around to face him. Sesshomaru didn't mind, just as long as she was listening to him.

"I'm sorry that I called you so many hurtful names just because you are different from everyone else that I know. I'm sorry that I made you worship me like I was a god. I'm a false god and you shouldn't have been forced to be beneath an unworthy lump of flesh and blood like me. You shouldn't be beneath anyone.

"And I'm sorry that I walked out on you without ever saying goodbye. Our argument was stupid and it shouldn't have been one of the reasons that I removed myself from your life."

"What was the other reason?" Natasumi demanded, still keeping her back to him.

Sesshomaru walked towards her. "I was a coward. I couldn't admit to you or myself that I was in love with you. I wanted to tell you, but you seemed interested in other boys who were less superficial than me. That's why I got mad when you said that you were thinking about going to the dance with that one kid…I told you that I didn't think you should go with him, but when you asked me why, I couldn't give you a real reason." He smiled weakly. "You thought I was just jealous because you could get a date faster than I could since you only had so many choices of boys to date. You made me so furious that I felt I couldn't tell you the real reason that you shouldn't have gone with him. I wanted you to go with me…

"Natasumi, I know that you are furious with me right now and you have every right to be, but I just wanted you to know how I felt about you. How I still feel about you."

Natasumi turned and set her things on a chair. "Sesshomaru," she began. "You should have just told me. You were never a coward back then."

"I was," Sesshomaru said. "When it came to emotions, you were always the brave one. So open about how you felt about a situation or a person…while I hid my feelings, suppressed them under an emotionless mask that I still wear today. I ran from my feelings, but I can't do it anymore. I want you to know how I feel about you."

Natasumi shook her head and looked at him. "Sesshomaru, don't do this to yourself. Please. I don't want to see you beg for forgiveness like this. A little groveling is good after everything you've done, but you have more pride than this…Please, stop."

Sesshomaru took one of her hands gently in his. "Natasumi, you are my pride. I love you and I want you to be with me forever…if you will have me."

Natasumi stared at him for a moment. "Sesshomaru, you weren't the only coward back then. I was afraid to tell you that I loved you. I didn't care that people looked down upon me because of the way I was bred, but when you started making fun of me like everyone else, it was like a knife in my chest. Now, I see that you have suffered more than I have because you chose to run away from everything you've held dear. You had to completely start your life over again in a new pair of shoes while I had to make minor adjustments to my life."

Sesshomaru looked down at her and placed a hand against her cheek. "So, will you forgive me?"  
Natasumi nodded, placing a hand on his. "You just have to make it through a dinner with my family, InuYasha, and your father. Then we can figure out where we're going to go from here, but we can't take things fast after everything that has happened between us. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now go change into your own clothes, wash your face, and get ready to meet Mama again."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Natasumi held Sesshomaru's large hand as she led him up the old stairs of her house. She glanced at him as they neared the front door and silently wished him good luck because she had a feeling that he would need it.

"You ready?" she asked, placing a hand on the door knob.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Sesshomaru replied with a nod.

Natasumi turned the door knob and entered the house, breathing in the scent of dinner and the lavender scent coming from the diffuser in the living room. "Mama, I'm home and I brought company if that's all right."

A woman with thick black hair that was now streaked with gray came bustling down the hall. "I really wish you would have called, 'sumi," she muttered, wiping her hands off on her apron before catching sight of Sesshomaru. "My word…Sesshomaru? Is that really you?"

Sesshomaru bowed his head. "Hello Aya."

Aya smiled. "My, how handsome you have become and so tall. Just like your father. Oh, I can't believe how long it's been since I've last seen you!" She smirked. "Don't tell me you've forgotten how to hug your dear old babysitter."

Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around the short, round older woman. She smelled like home just as Natasumi had, but she smelled more like a mother that Sesshomaru had never been lucky to have. Aya squeezed him around the waist and made a small disapproving sound.

"It's a sin how skinny they make you models," she complained, stepping back to look at him. "They half starve you and…" She patted his hand lovingly. "Don't worry Sesshomaru, I'll have you fattened up in no time. You'll see."

"Mama, that won't do any good for his career choice," Natasumi commented, putting her things away in the closet.

"Nonsense. There's a new trend going around with healthy sized models in fashion. He'll be fine," Aya assured them.

Sesshomaru leaned close to Natasumi. "With our demon metabolism, getting us fat will be hard," he whispered in her ear.

Natasumi nodded in agreement. "Where is everyone Mama?"

"Oh, the boys and your sister are all outside," Aya said with a smile at the two of them before she walked down the hall. "Go and say hi to everyone. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes."

Natasumi took Sesshomaru's hand again and led him through the house towards the back screen door. She didn't even have it opened before Sesshomaru's father, InuYasha, and her own father were looking in their direction. Natasumi released Sesshomaru's hand when she noticed how hatefully her sister and InuYasha were eyeing the closeness between the two. Natasumi's father put his beer down.

"Natasumi, why didn't you call and tell me you were bringing over company?" he demanded, not unkindly.

"Sorry Dad," Natasumi apologized, rushing over to give him a hug. "But I ran into him unexpectedly and…well, here we are."

"Right," InuYasha and her sister said before glaring at each other.

"Sesshomaru, aren't you even going to say 'hello' to your own father?" InuTaisho asked with a small smirk. "And are you not going to say the same to your brother?"

Sesshomaru looked at his father calmly. "Good evening Dad, InuYasha."

InuYasha stood up and walked over to his brother. For a moment it looked like he was going to hug the older boy, but instead, he punched Sesshomaru in the stomach.

"That's what you get for hurting Natasumi-chan," InuYasha growled, glaring at his brother, who seemed only momentarily pained by the blow. "And trust me; there will be more where that came from."

Natasumi glared at InuYasha. "There had better not be. I've already taken my revenge on him. And trust me when I say he's black and blue under that shirt."

Natasumi's father laughed. "That's my girl, teaching Sesshomaru that you're not going to lie down and take orders. Ah, it reminds me of old times when you two would run around in those silly little outfits your mom made, Natasumi."

"We had them convinced that they would get married one day," InuTaisho commented with a smirk in his eldest son's direction. "Perhaps there is still some hope for that dream."

Natasumi pointedly looked away from Sesshomaru and hugged her sister. The girl had pure black hair and hard brown eyes that were glaring through Sesshomaru. Natasumi pinched her to get her attention.

"Behave or I'll tell him about the stack of magazines in your room," she whispered in the girl's ear slightly pointed ear. "You know the ones with him in it…"

"Don't you dare!" the girl, Kiku, hissed back, giving Natasumi a friendly squeeze.

Natasumi smiled and glanced over at Sesshomaru. He was watching her out of the corner of his eye even as he continued to have a conversation with his father and hers. She listened to her father tell Sesshomaru that he didn't approve of the way that he had treated Natasumi, but that he understood that was his way of showing that he did care for her. The older man did however say that he was only going to accept him back into his life if Natasumi had completely forgiven him.

Sesshomaru looked at Natasumi again, who had a sudden deer-in-headlights look in her eyes. "'sumi?"

"Dad, if I hadn't forgiven him would I have brought him here for dinner?" Natasumi asked, slipping her hand into Sesshomaru's briefly. "But as I hinted before, he had to suffer under my wrath."

Another wide smile spread across Natasumi's father's face. "Good girl…I guess at least _I _can accept you back into my life as a friend. I can't speak for the other members of my family."

"Mama already greeted him like he was still five," Natasumi told her father. "There were hugs and everything."

"She called me 'too skinny'," Sesshomaru muttered.

InuTaisho laughed a booming merry laugh. "Too skinny? She's just not used to having so many demons around with high metabolisms. We're more of a _healthy _size."

"You guys maybe a 'healthy' size, but me, I'm just fat," Kiku mumbled, pinching some baby fat.

Natasumi frowned. "How many times do I have to tell you that you're not fat? You're within the weight range of a perfectly normal teenager. You have nothing to worry about." She looked at Sesshomaru for help. "Tell her that she's not fat."

Sesshomaru looked at Kiku and smiled the shadow of a smile. "Kiku, you aren't fat. You're the perfect size to be a model for the rest of the teenage world. In fact, you're the right size and everyone you see on TV or in magazines are too skinny for their health…Okay?"

Kiku's eyes lit up in happiness. "Really? You don't think I'm fat?"

"I don't."

"Thank you!!!" Kiku exclaimed, jumping up and hugging him. "Wait…" She stepped back and looked at him. "Don't think that this means that you're back in my good books. You've been mean to my sister and I have to stick up for her."

"We'll call it progress that you hugged him," InuTaisho said with a smile. "Or would you prefer that we forget about it?"

"Forget about it," Kiku decided, sitting back down on her seat and pointedly looking away from Sesshomaru though it was clear to everyone that she was really happy about what Sesshomaru had said about her.

Natasumi smiled and leaned close to Sesshomaru. "I think someone has a crush on you…"

Sesshomaru smirked. "I know."

_Arrogant much? _Natasumi couldn't help thinking as Aya came out bearing a large tray of food that Natasumi's father quickly relieved her of.

"Hurry up and get some meat on your bones," Aya commanded. "I don't want any leftovers in my kitchen."

"Don't worry, honey," Natasumi's father said while InuYasha and the others started digging into the food. "I'm sure with this gathering that there won't be."

Natasumi couldn't agree more with her father as she watched InuYasha wolf down his food like he had been starved for days.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Once Natasumi had eaten her fill, she lounged about the backyard listening to Sesshomaru catch up on the happenings of his family and hers. She soon grew bored with the memories of the recent past and snuck into the house to get away from it all. Without anyone inside the house, she felt comfortable enough to take a quick shower and put on a change of clothes before slipping out of her attic bedroom window and sitting on the roof to look out at the stars that were starting to shine in the darkness.

She jumped when she heard someone plop down next to her and glanced over at them. It was Sesshomaru. She frowned and looked back out at the stars.

"Shouldn't you be talking to your father and brother?" she asked. "They might be interested in what you've done with your life since you moved in with your mother…"

"I told them as much as they need to know at the moment," Sesshomaru said, following her gaze out to the stars. "There will be plenty of time for us to catch up. But right now, I would like to spend time with you."

Natasumi glanced at him and hugged her knees to her chest. "Do you remember that this was the last place we saw each other before you moved away? We were sitting here, watching the meteor shower and then we got into that stupid argument…I can't believe how stupid I was to let you go off in such a bad mood."

"We were both stupid," Sesshomaru corrected. "I was stupid for not telling you my true feelings and you were stupid for…" He smirked. "Actually, I don't think you did anything wrong. It was mostly my fault for getting you into such a foul mood."

"It doesn't make things any different. There is so much time we lost that we could have spent together if it hadn't been for the argument." She brushed a strand of damp hair back behind her ear. "Who knows? We could have ended up as boyfriend and girlfriend a long time ago. We could have done a lot of things and now it's like we have to play catch up. It's not right."

A breeze stirred the air around the two friends, washing the scents of one another over the other. Sesshomaru inhaled the scent of vanilla and strawberry. There was a faint undertone of something that stirred a desire inside of him that he had forced down countless times before. His eyes locked on hers and held hers in that heated stare.

She was in heat.

Natasumi broke eye contact and rested her chin on top of her knees. "So you know," she guessed. "I was beginning to wonder if your nose was still working or not."

"'sumi…" Sesshomaru said, touching her back with the tips of his fingers. "You knew?"

"It's my body, so of course I knew. And the horny devils who tried to corner me and have their way with me, told me that something was up." She glanced at him. "Are you going to act upon your primal need too?"

Sesshomaru shook his head and looked away. "I'm not going to seduce you or force myself upon you. The urge is not as great as my will to show you that I love you and will only make love to you when you are ready."  
The hint of a smile played on Natasumi's face. "Sesshomaru that was probably the wisest thing you've ever said. Maybe you have done some growing up in the modeling business."

Sesshomaru couldn't help but look at her again. He wanted her so badly, to have her under him in throes of passion, but he fought against the desire. Her love was too precious to lose after he had been without it for years. He couldn't lose her now to some primal urge that was in his veins.

"You're going to hurt yourself," Natasumi whispered, cutting into his thoughts softly.

"What?" Sesshomaru was confused.

"Your claws are cutting into your arms," Natasumi told him, gesturing at his hands with one of her own.

Sesshomaru glanced down and saw that his claws were indeed digging into the pale flesh of his arms. He quickly pulled them out and let his hands limply fall on his lap. Natasumi scooted closer to him and lifted one of his arms up so she could examine the little crescent shaped wounds flowing with blood. Sesshomaru turned his face away to keep from breathing in too much of her scent.

"Hmm…these don't look too bad," Natasumi murmured, wiping away some of the blood with her thumb. "They shouldn't take too long to heal…" She smiled at him. "Your brother was almost this bad when I first went into heat this time."

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. "My brother was around you when you first became in heat?"

"Yes. We were alone and he was fighting the urge to mate with me by punching a brick wall repeatedly." She stared him in the eyes. "Nothing happened between me and your brother or any other man. I was waiting for you…to see if you wanted me underneath all of your coldness."

Sesshomaru stroked her face and touched his lips to hers. "I do want you."

Natasumi melted into the kiss and threw her arms around his neck, climbing onto his lap. Sesshomaru placed a hand on the small of her back, pressing her lower half against his so she could feel the heat between the two of them rising, and the other fisted in her hair. It took all of his willpower not to rip her clothes off and have his way with her with his pants suddenly feeling a little too tight.

"Sesshomaru," Natasumi breathed when they resurfaced for air. "I – I love you, but we can't do this right now…"

Sesshomaru looked at her and nodded as he heard their fathers laughing below. "I know…"

"I don't want an audience and I don't want you to want to mate with me simply because it's a primal instinct when I go into heat. I want to know that you can love me at any given time simply because you love me. That's all I want."

Her body was still pressed against his and he could feel her chest rise and fall in unison with his. She was burning against him and was making no attempt to remove herself, but he was in agreement with her. They could wait until later to see if this was really meant to be and when that time came, he would love her with everything that he had.

He hugged her and nuzzled her neck. "I love you too 'sumi."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**A/N: As of this moment, I'm not sure if I should continue this story or where it should go next. I like the idea of Sesshomaru working to get to the right moment to be with Natasumi, but I'll need some ideas. Please review me to know what you think. Thanks!**


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